Saturday, 4 August 2012

Tastes Like Chicken.... smells a little fishy...

Some may find the title a little off colour,perhaps even a little crude.  I want to be straight up and admit that I don’t like crudity, while on the other hand I love crudités. Speaking of food…

I am a proud Canadian who recently became aware of an American fast food outlet called Chick Fil A. What makes this discovery important is not that I’ve been enlightened on another company mass producing artery clogging unidentifiable stuff disguised as good food, but rather because this particular company has added Anti-Same-Sex-Marriage to their Healthy Lifestyle Menu choices.

Naturally, gays are up in arms about the division of church and chicken.  Truly good Christians (and I separate the true from the homophobes who act allegedly in Jesus’ name) are decrying this as a public relations nightmare.  Public displays of gay affection are on the rise outside of Chick Fil A establishments.

So, this middle aged gay man seems to have been unexpectantly faced with an issue that requires much discussion, education, possible protest,  and other actions.  And for what? Some fried chicken outlet!  What would the Colonel say? I think he’d say - wait a minute – I checked out the Chick Fil A  menu and couldn’t find fried chicken!!!  This is an even bigger faux pas.  While appearing to look like a KFC rip off, I’ve discovered a bigger crime. This company is a poultrified version of the Golden Arches! Well, without the beef…. 

Ronald!  Why aren’t YOU protesting?  After all, I see two huge issues at stake:

One – The Chick Fil A classic chicken burger and a McChicken sandwich are almost identical.  Isn’t there some kind of chicken burger, I mean sandwich, patent at issue here? I did some research and it appears you were here first.  In the name of all that is right and sane, stake your claim!!!

Two – And more in my domain than yours, is the company’s anti gay stand.  Now, I would never out anyone who didn’t want to be outed, but having stated that, I must say I’ve never seen a Mrs. Ronald…. But then maybe you just want to keep your private life, private… you know what I mean? Ronald, I don’t mean to digress, but can I start with your hair? Little Orphan Annie called and she wants her orange fright wig back.  Then there’s the makeup.  All that white, makes you look too pale to be a cover model for Fab Magazine. Finally, it’s about your clothes.  Maybe we could give a quick call to Clinton and Stacey from What Not To Wear. Nuff said, back to the issue at hand:

At the end of the day, I’m sure there are more corporate heads who don’t support gay rights.  We have the right to withhold our financial support by boycotting their businesses.  If they really want profits up, they will realize that gays have money too.  Actually, a lot of them don’t have children which makes their spending power even greater… just food for thought.  And speaking of which.  I’m not going to Chick Fil A.  They aren’t even here.  But if they were.  I’d still be going to the Golden Arches because Ronald, I just love your Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions - all on a sesame seed bun  

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Magic Mike... isn't so magical

Personally, I wanted to see “Rock of Ages”.  But it was playing in a theatre that was old and run down and I didn’t look forward to my feet sticking to the floor as we tried to find a seat that didn’t have unknown sticky substances on it.  So, it was stay at home or choose another movie.

Now, in addition to the cover story in Entertainment Weekly, I had seen the trailers and TV ads for this one. It sounded interesting enough. The story of male strippers. Add to this the enticement of titillation that the trailers and TV ads created. Me gay, them hot.  Could be a good fit.

Normally I don’t notice the other audience members when I go into a movie theatre.  However, walking into this one it was an immediate recognition of 150 people which comprise of women and 3 men, of which my partner and I were two of them.  The Third Man was with a woman… possibly a beard, possibly a wife.  Either way, I wasn’t going to spend any more time on them because the overwhelming feeling of estrogen run amok was in the air. I worried that I had stumbled into a secret meeting of womanhood and if they discovered me, I would have been sexually ravaged beyond human comprehension.  But then the trailers for upcoming movies started and I forgot about my fears.  The trailers were on the “no”, “no” and “not even on DVD” list.  I should have heeded the warning and asked for my money back, but I didn’t.

The movie started with a nice bare backside shot of Channing Tatum.  This would have been awesome except for the woman in the audience started whooping and throwing dollar bills at the screen. I wondered if they realized the concept of film versus live performance? It wasn’t for me to tell them and I’m sure the cleaning staff appreciated the extra money.

Let me say right off the bat: the guys in the movie are so hot that this kind of Eye Candy requires Eye Insulin to go with it.  However, this is also a movie. So, when the hot scenes become less and less and the story is capital “B” BORING, I quickly realized that we could have stayed home, reread the Entertainment Weekly article and viewed the trailer online. It would have had the same effect and saved me the $25 to see the movie, the cost of the trip into town and the cost of the treats.

Before you demand my gay card, I will admit that Channing Tatum is extremely good looking and talented. His dance moves were awesome.  But I see those same moves on a weekly basis when I watch So You Think You Can Dance and I get to hear Mary Murphy scream about the arrival of her hot tamale train to boot!

I think what disappointed me most about Magic Mike was the fact that here you have a group of hot male dancers and not one of them is gay.  In the movie, that is, because Matt Bomer has come out in real life. The story is a morality tale of how bad the lure of the wild life and drugs are if you become a male stripper. It would be a more interesting tale if instead of male strippers who have unknown backgrounds, one of the strippers was a Safeway bag boy and one of the others a nebbish book keeper.

For me, Magic Mike was not a great movie.  It wasn’t even a good movie.  Normally I would complain that it was two hours I’ll never get back, but I won’t because of one redeeming feature: I was there with the love of my life.  He’s my very own, personal, “Magic Mike”.

Friday, 23 March 2012

Gay, Normal and Addiction....

My intention on writing these blogs was to demonstrate to other closeted middle aged men that not only is there life after coming out, but that we all have some funny albeit maybe-not-at-the-time stories to tell. Now I haven’t blogged in months, not because I don’t have a story or two, but because I’ve been busy with life, my family and my partner. In other words, normalcy has set in and I’m glad it has!

One thing about blogging, be it gay or otherwise, I can share my most innermost feelings and get comforting feedback from the virtual world.  It is definately not as good as a physical hug and kiss from my sweetie, but comforting all the same.

Well here goes….

It is often said the speediest road to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So here is mine: I’m an Air Miles Whore… there I said it!!!  

Seriously, while others are blogging about their lives, loves and losses, I am on the search for that bonus point.

For example: Rona offers Air Miles. My house NEEDED that renovation. AND I got bonus points for those items that I would never have considered otherwise.

Toys R Us offers Air Miles as well . Seems like every month there is a gift giving celebration of some sort. If my grandkids get tired of presents, then I'll adopt a small Grade School. Then, the giving will never end!

Right now in my house I have 60 rolls of toilet paper – that’s double rolls which equates to 120 regular rolls. Why? Well, at Safeway - the biggest points dealer to my addiction - I got 40 bonus points for every 2 packages of 15 that I purchased.  It's when I began to run of out room to store all of those rolls I began to realize 
" This is serious… I may have a problem… "

How did this addiction get started? I remember exactly where I was and the date and the time. I was teaching a night class and on a break, one of my students told me she put every purchase she had on Air Miles and that once a year she earned enough points to take her family of 4 to Disneyland.

Disneyland! My Mecca! My Wonderland! My place of Eternal Youth and Fun Times! Immediately, I realized that a trip taken once every 7 years could be reduced to 2 or 3.  My epiphany was that I could save up enough points to take my partner and his kids to Disneyland.  A most worthy cause if ever I could think of one!

I knew I had to be aggressive in my quest. So it wasn't about the every day, ordinary, 1 point here and 1 point there. It was all about those extra Bonus Points.  Available whenever one met the purchase requirements. That wasn't a problem for me. So, whenever there was a sale that offered Bonus Points – I was there! Card in hand. Point calculations on my mind!

I’m proud to say that in 2 years I’ve earned over 5,000 points. Even though there are things in my freezer I may never eat...

However, I feel so good having admitted my problem to you all that I’m ready to run out and buy something – provided they offer Air Miles.  Now, if only I could get bonus points for being gay…