Saturday, 4 August 2012

Tastes Like Chicken.... smells a little fishy...

Some may find the title a little off colour,perhaps even a little crude.  I want to be straight up and admit that I don’t like crudity, while on the other hand I love crudités. Speaking of food…

I am a proud Canadian who recently became aware of an American fast food outlet called Chick Fil A. What makes this discovery important is not that I’ve been enlightened on another company mass producing artery clogging unidentifiable stuff disguised as good food, but rather because this particular company has added Anti-Same-Sex-Marriage to their Healthy Lifestyle Menu choices.

Naturally, gays are up in arms about the division of church and chicken.  Truly good Christians (and I separate the true from the homophobes who act allegedly in Jesus’ name) are decrying this as a public relations nightmare.  Public displays of gay affection are on the rise outside of Chick Fil A establishments.

So, this middle aged gay man seems to have been unexpectantly faced with an issue that requires much discussion, education, possible protest,  and other actions.  And for what? Some fried chicken outlet!  What would the Colonel say? I think he’d say - wait a minute – I checked out the Chick Fil A  menu and couldn’t find fried chicken!!!  This is an even bigger faux pas.  While appearing to look like a KFC rip off, I’ve discovered a bigger crime. This company is a poultrified version of the Golden Arches! Well, without the beef…. 

Ronald!  Why aren’t YOU protesting?  After all, I see two huge issues at stake:

One – The Chick Fil A classic chicken burger and a McChicken sandwich are almost identical.  Isn’t there some kind of chicken burger, I mean sandwich, patent at issue here? I did some research and it appears you were here first.  In the name of all that is right and sane, stake your claim!!!

Two – And more in my domain than yours, is the company’s anti gay stand.  Now, I would never out anyone who didn’t want to be outed, but having stated that, I must say I’ve never seen a Mrs. Ronald…. But then maybe you just want to keep your private life, private… you know what I mean? Ronald, I don’t mean to digress, but can I start with your hair? Little Orphan Annie called and she wants her orange fright wig back.  Then there’s the makeup.  All that white, makes you look too pale to be a cover model for Fab Magazine. Finally, it’s about your clothes.  Maybe we could give a quick call to Clinton and Stacey from What Not To Wear. Nuff said, back to the issue at hand:

At the end of the day, I’m sure there are more corporate heads who don’t support gay rights.  We have the right to withhold our financial support by boycotting their businesses.  If they really want profits up, they will realize that gays have money too.  Actually, a lot of them don’t have children which makes their spending power even greater… just food for thought.  And speaking of which.  I’m not going to Chick Fil A.  They aren’t even here.  But if they were.  I’d still be going to the Golden Arches because Ronald, I just love your Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions - all on a sesame seed bun