The Gay Agenda

I'm beginning to worry that I may have come out too late in life.  Why do I say this?  Well, lately, I've heard more and more about "The Gay Agenda".  It reads harmless enough, but when it's spoken as a CNN pronouncement with a James Earl Jones type of commanding voice... I get worried.

Make no mistake.  I am 100 % gay.  I only desire to have sex with men.  I have a partner who is male. I go to Gay Pride.  I call myself a gay man.  I majored in Gaydar at life's school of hard knocks. I know the difference between tastefully chic and tacky. I can even be overly emotional if the occaision demands it such as crying at a supermarket opening.  In other words: I earned my gay card.  And I'm not giving it up for anything or anyone.

I know gay.  I know gay people.  None of them seem to know about his "Gay Agenda".  Now I'm wondering if there is a "Secret Gay Club" having "Secret Gay Club Meetings". This would necessitate an agenda:

1. Meeting Called To Order

2. Roll Call (please respond to your real name, not your online-chatroom-hookup site aliases)

3. Minutes of the last meeting. (No need for this.  We're Gay.  We remember EVERYTHING)

4. New Business:

     - Discussion of the political right wing religious zealots who seem to think we gays want to turn every straight man gay.  We can avoid wasting time discussing this by getting to the bottom line: there are way too many ugly straight men who might as well stay with women because we don't want them.

     - Lesbians.  We love them because they lessen the competition for the hot men.

5. Next Meeting.   Whenever. 

6. Adjournment.   Whatever

If I were King of the World (yes, King!  Not every gay man wants to be a woman), I would set my own Gay Agenda.  It wouldn't be for any Club or Society.  No my agenda would be simple: Gay or Straight. You're all my subjects.  Just get along because I love you equally, except for the few I'm going to have the good taste not to mention...