My mom died four years ago, before I had the chance to come out to her. I know she would have loved my partner as much as I do. My father, he's still around somewhere.... we don't have a relationship, never had and never will. Some people say that it's a shame - my mother gone and no relationship with the man who sired me. You know, you can't miss what you never had. So I'm really ok about it. Besides I have my partner, my children and my grandchildren. All is good.
This blog is basically how I imaged that conversation would have gone. I talked to my mom a lot on the phone, so here's the call I never got to make:
ME: Hi Mom. It’s me…. Just wanted to share some news with you.. I'm gay.
MOM: ... Gay!.... Like a homosexual?
ME: Yes, I like a homosexual.
MOM: But you were married.
ME: I wanted to be sure.
MOM: You fathered a child.
ME: I wanted to be really sure.
MOM: You actually fathered two children.
ME: I wanted to be really, really sure!!!
MOM: ... Who did this to you?
ME: No one did this to me, Mom. But if you really need to point a finger, try God. He makes people in all sorts of styles and flavours.
MOM: I don't think that's funny.
ME: I don't either. Look Mom, it's no big deal. It's just the way I am.
MOM: You have three brothers... how come none of them are gay?
ME: Maybe I'm just a bad seed! Interesting concept - maybe I have a little gay devil in me. Would you like to see if I can turn my head around?
MOM: We're on the phone, dear
ME: Right!….Listen, Mom, if I believed in outing people -
MOM: Outing? Is that the same as going out to lunch?
ME: No, Mom, outing is when you tell people that someone else is gay without their consent. It's a good thing, because I'd have to tell you something about one of your other sons...
MOM: Like what?
ME: Like something he wouldn't want you to know (hint hint).... However, while we're on the subject, I can tell you one of the reasons he's a misogynist.
MOM: You know I don’t like crude language!
ME: A misogynist is a woman hater. It’s got nothing to do with female parts of the body. And speaking of which, ew gross, Mom!!!
MOM: What will I tell your father?
ME: Tell him, he has a gay son and get him to guess which one!
MOM: You know, if you tell him - it will kill him.
ME: Quick, put him on the phone! Then we’ll do lunch…
I really LOL'd reading this. Thanks Cecil b. I wish you could have made that phone call!
ReplyDeleteI guess we were all seeds at one time, my mom found out I was gay when she found gay porn on her computer and confronted me about it, I had no idea computers kept track of history. I certainly learned my lesson.
ReplyDelete"Maybe I'm just a bad seed..." No, maybe you're a better seed.
ReplyDeleteGood fun, Cecil. Thanks.
Nice post. I really enjoyed the conversation.
ReplyDelete