If only one could bypass the Frog stage of relationships. Ah, would life be sweet!
Alas, it was not to be. I discovered , much to my chagrin that Frogs come in all shapes, sizes, occupations and levels of integrity.
Being newly out, I didn’t know how to meet people. I found out very quickly THE place to go was online. I tried various places such as “Lots Of Seafood” and “Spray”. I learned very quickly there were lots of Frogs out there with a Mr. Frog waiting for him on the lily pad, not knowing or even wondering if he was out getting a ribbit from someone else. There were also Frogs who wanted a quick highway crossing with no consequences or commitment because there was a Mrs. Frog waiting for him back on the pond.
My two frogs of note, I call 70% Tadpole and Toad of Amphibion Hall. Before I talk about them I want to be very clear on this: I do not believe or condone people being outted without their express permission. Thus, I will keep the identifying signatures of these two secret so that even if they read this blog, they would not be able to self identify.
70% Tadpole declared with uncertainty that he was 70% gay, but probably, maybe, perhaps, most likely he was 100% gay because he leaned in that direction. How very astute of him! We’d go out on a date, to a movie or just a walk, after which he wouldn’t want to see me for two weeks because he ‘needed his space’. . . whatever . . . After a couple of months the relationship came to a head. We were having dinner at my place and I thought things were going well, so I asked him, “What do you think of our relationship?” Without missing a beat or even having to think about it, he replied, “You’re not the man for me, would you pass the salt?”. I wasn’t in love with him, but I thought the remark rather cold. I saw him again once after that. We had gone to a concert. Realizing that he wasn’t the man for me either, I gave him a hug and said, “You take of yourself” and walked away. I never looked back. I imagine he is still one lonely Tadpole. Perhaps now he’s moved up to 80%, who knows?
Toad of Amphibian Hall was an interesting case. Here was a man who in every day medical terms would be called a ‘slut’ – only I didn’t know it at the time. He wanted to take things s-l-o-w with me because he ‘really liked me – I wasn’t like the other guys – and he wanted to build a relationship slowly’. I thought this was a nice compliment, even though like 70% Tadpole, he only wanted to meet every couple of weeks. One day a friend of mine advised me that the Toad was going to various hookup sites and describing himself as a man who wanted to hookup for sex. It was all very schoolgirlish,but I was glad I had the information and advised him that we didn’t have – nor could we have – a relationship.
So yes, there were some Frogs (and a Tadpole and a Toad) in my life. The sum of the experiences with them actually made me a stronger, more self-confident individual when my Prince finally came along.
I had a joined a dating website. One day I received a message from another guy on that site who, like me, was a gay father and he asked if we could meet. Looking at his profile, I decided that due to the fact he lived an hour and a half’s drive away from me, it wouldn’t work. I was not interested in a long distance relationship. He seemed like a nice guy, so I offered us to be virtual, online friends. Boy, was I lucky that he graciously accepted the offer.
We started chatting and a few weeks later he said, “Look, instead of online chatting, why don’t we talk? Here is my phone number”. A phone call was then arranged. It was a Thursday night. I called him at 7:00 PM sharp. After talking for a while, I looked at the time. It was already passed 10:00 PM!!! We had talked for over 3 hours. We had so much in common that I said, “you know, I’d kind of like to meet you”. So we arranged to meet the following Sunday at 9:30 AM for coffee in a town that was halfway between where he lived and where I lived.
I showed up at the restaurant at 9:30 exactly (I didn't want to see too eager) and when I walked in, I took one look at him and said, “Wow!”. I thought he was cute from his photo, but in person – wow!!! The coffee started at 9:30 AM and we parted that night at 9:30 PM. The longest date I’d ever had! I know this is going to sound corny, but I fell in love with him that day. I actually proved that there is such a thing as "love at first sight". It’s now almost 3 years since that day. We’re together whenever possible and we talk on the phone every night. And since that day, we always talk in terms of future plans… this is him, my man, my partner, my love.
He's very modest and that's another thing I love about him. He's got great qualities, even if he doesn't recognize them in himself.
To my Prince I say “You have brought such passion and raison-d’etre to my life. We sometimes disagree, but when we do it’s without anger or malice. We laugh and love without hesitation. We bring our families together as a caring unit. To quote two movies 1) Jerry Maguire: “You complete me” and 2) As Good As It Gets: "You make me want to be a better person" I love you.
To the lost men out there who may read this, I say to you: don't worry, you will find your Prince. You may just have to kiss a few Frogs along the way.